Friday, July 13, 2012

Well, obviously...

My first 90 day challenge ended a few weeks ago. I did really well on it, and stayed committed to it through the whole thing. At the end, though, I guess I decided to take a little break from it. "I deserve it." I started having bigger "tastes" at work again. I started having more "treats." Marc's work schedule changed so we started eating our meal of the day alone, which led to not planning it out, and trying to figure something out last minute or eating family meal at work which isn't always the healthiest.

My second challenge started on June 26th. Well, sort of. I haven't been following the program. Last night everything kind of clicked for me and I had a "Well...obviously!!!" moment. I have known what proper nutrition helped me with, but I guess I had just pushed it to the back burner again. I've been feeling so tired and lethargic. I've been drinking more and more coffee to get through the day again. I've been barely making it to naptime without collapsing from exhaustion. I've been slowly pulling back into my head again, thoughts whirling round and round. I've been feeling less happy, and needing to remind myself more and more of "probability/possibility." I've been feeling less motivated, less alive, less passion. My skin has broken out like you wouldn't even believe. I've been making poor choices in many areas of my life, not just nutrition, but it all STARTS with nutrition. Why in the world would I put myself through all that? I'm so sick of feeling like crap, and it's so obviously related to something I am choosing to do. Well, I've had enough! That moment of instant gratification of tastiness just isn't worth feeling this way. Starting today, I'm going back on the shakes twice a day and following the plan. I'm planning my snacks and my meal each day. I'm drinking more water. I'm getting ME back, dammit!

Marc's been pushing me and pushing me and I've been resisting so hard. He is doing SO amazing on his challenge. He's working so incredibly hard and it's showing. My lack of energy has been difficult for him to tolerate. It's put a little bit of a splinter between us lately. I was seriously sitting there going, "Why am I so tired? Marc, I'm SO TIRED. I don't want to go work out, I'm exhausted already, and I have to work later. I need to conserve energy." I can't wait to start feeling myself and have more energy again. I can't wait to catch up to Marc's results and have us working as a team again.

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